Reminders...

As I type, I realize this is the first real entry into a "fishing" blog and the entry has nothing directly to do with fishing. It's about life which, I guess, is sometimes contained in fishing...

So why this as the first entry?

A lot has happened since I fired this blog up and not much of it had to do with fishing. When I started this blog, i had every intention to make useful and intelligent comments on my favorite sport, bass fishing. I guess I still have that goal in mind, but sometimes I am reminded that life takes a shape of its' own, and I'm best off following that rabbit trail. This is one of those times.

It was a year ago that I was faced with the hardest event I have ever faced in my life. As I state that, many think that I may be talking about my bypass surgery. While that is the ultimate cause of things, the reality that i face was the frailty and mortality of my life...a life I thought had many years of relatively care free living left in it. I had always thought I was somewhat invincible and took for granted those around me that care.

Now, a year later, I am reminded every day i look in a mirror as I get ready for a new adventure in the mornings and as i get ready for sleep in the evenings, that there is nothing about a life that can't be changed, whether by our own doing or by the course of time. Most days I see the scars as a victory, and i celebrate the new lease on life it gave me. There are however, other days and/or events that take my thoughts deeper.

My step son just got a new liver and is doing great! So what does this have to do with me? It's really not about me this time, is it? It's about Chris...right? As i stated earlier, sometimes events around me remind me of a year ago and this is one of those.

I do know this is about Chris, but as I watched, i couldn't help but be reminded of a similar chain of events just one year earlier. As i saw Chris waiting for the news of whether the liver just received would work for him, I'm reminded of my own wait...a wait that started before Thanksgiving 2007 when i was first told about the need for a surgery that I never gave a breath of thought i might need. As Chris waited for his new liver, i was reminded of the darkness of the thoughts that i knew was going through his mind, but as with me, he would never fully express out of his lips so as not to worry anyone else...this was his battle and he had to go it himself.

You notice, I didn't say alone. I knew all along that I wasn't alone, even though it felt like it at times. Family and friends were with me, supporting me in something that they could only watch from the sidelines, being part of the surgery, but not really understanding the darkness that clouded my mind and my thoughts. I knew God was with me, although i questioned many times the "wisdom" in why i had to go through something like this...something that at one end of the spectrum could give life, but at the other, take it. I had to wait what seemed like ages, doing everything i could to try to make my mind think of other things, It helped that the holiday was there, but not much. It helped that family was there and that friends were there, but not much. I'm sorry that sounds callous...it's not meant to. I was scared...no, I was terrified, but i didn't want anyone else to worry more for me than they might already be. I had to bear this thing myself.

I watched Chris and felt that he was struggling with this, too. Regardless the front that we put on, the wondering is there. The wondering during that time when the light in the operating room goes out as the medicine pumped in our veins does its job and takes us to that other place know as unconsciousness, if we are even going to wake up on the other side. Knowing though, that just as i drift off i hear something inside me say..."Yes...you will wake up!"

As the operation progressed and the liver was approved, i watched the hospital staff get Chris ready and was given a new perspective on the things that went on around me during my pre-op phase. I was reminded of the briefings given by the hospital staff of what was going to transpire in the next few hours. Do they really think you are absorbing all of that information? The last thing that i cared about was the "prick" of the needle as they started the injection that would eventually force me to sleep. I don't mean for that to sound bad...but i really couldn't tell you what they said but just that they said it with as much care as they could.

They wheeled Chris to the operating room and i rode right with him. I know what was racing through my head and I'm sure it was racing through his. I could feel his anxiety, though he would fight it heroically, as i hoped that i was doing during mine. We walked out of the pre-op area and to the waiting room, the place I didn't have to worry about before, but now got to experience on this side of things. time marched slowly, and i was awakened to a new part of the process, the part that has to wait while the doctors do their thing. I did know, however, that Chris would not remember any of this part and would only live it through the tales from those that waited.

I'm sure I'll write more of this in another entry, but for now, I'll try to get to the bottom line, so to speak.

I watched Chris' color return to a hue i had never seen him carry since i have known him. I watched his struggle with the equipment, the pain and the TV being on the wrong channel. i could feel the frustration as he was telling everyone what was clearly in his mind, but was getting out to their ears as pure garble. I was reminded of a recovery a year earlier that was as miraculous as Chris'.

It seems that the better the recovery, the easier it is for those around to take for granted. Chris will see that as his recovery has been incredible! I'm reminded that we have a God the gave us a body that is full of health and healing, if we just believe in His work to do it. Yes, the greater the recovery, the less it is thought about by those around us as time passes but i know that i am reminded of it each time i see the scars and i know that Chris will, too, but i know that as i see my scars, i am now blessed to be able to remember that another has been healed, too. I'm reminded of his wife who probably never thought that she could handle something like this in a million...no, a trillion...years, but rose to the task valiantly. I'm reminded of a new extension of my family that i can care for...a great guy, his wife, brother and now my wife, his mom and i am reminded that we have another thing in common...more than the extension of the family...we are brother of the scalpel! We made it proving that God isn't done with any of us yet!

Even though there will still be those day and/or events that cause deep thinking, I have this, and that's a good thing.

Wes